Superman and Utopia

Well, the year did start well for me though commitments kept rushing in and I have to focus on them one by one. I have to manage things well and I really feel the need to have a couple of rest right at this very moment.

Le Vogue '09. Our section is busy preparing for a fashion show and festival dance contest for one of our subject, International/Intercultural Communication. Time and efforts have to be made and creativity is in demand right now. Of course, the goal is to win.

Thesis. We are very eager to accomplish every chapter of our thesis. It gives us the feeling that we are near the finish line of this studying stuff. Sleepovers, meetings, consultations, research, trip to the libraries, and more. It is also satisfying to know that our group is leading to the right path (as of this time). Funny to realize years ago, we were just busy coloring pictures on our books and now, we are studying how universities promote culture and arts. Good luck u22!



Major Production. It's January and as expected, I'm back to Teatro Komunikado. And as a welcome, I was assigned to be the Production Manager of this year's major play production. I haven't started anything yet so I have to work as soon as possible.

This is my life for January. Trying to fit these things in, not mentioning the death-defying requirements and exams for every subject. I know this will all bring new experiences to me as I start living this new year.

Now, for myself. Accomplishing all of these would mean so much. I know I am Superman. Multitasking is my hobby. Doing what seems to be incredible is my passion and I was raised that way (really? haha). But I know there are limits to what I can do.

There is no real Superman. Everybody wishes to be Superman but it is just a part of every human's utopic dream. There are things which you wish you could do effortlessly without squeezing your heart and brain out. There are things that you kept on trying to do but eventually, you'll realize that you are facing the Great Wall of China. Really impossible to get over with. You're really tired of being just an ordinary being so you wish to be a unique one. You want to do things right away but you know it would take you so much time and every second is causing you so much burden. All you can do is to withstand all the pressure and everything that comes with it.

But, being Superman does not equate to being a perfect person. It is a mere metaphor to what every individual wishes for themselves.

Aftermath: Changes

Yes... Changes always happen. They're just around the corners. They're the most natural way to sustain everything in this world. It's been almost a month and I've experienced a change in everything - from my routines up to my tiniest thoughts even before I sleep.

I was never afraid of changes. I know what I have right now are still gonna change. I don't know what to point in this blog but I just simply want to write about changes since I've been through a lot of that just recently.

Friends. I got new friends and I used to be with them more often. I love their company and it seems that we're into something good. It's like an underground society. (Haha. No. It's not what you're thinking.) It just feels good to have them and know who's gonna catch your next fall.

Me. It's still me - the same old me. But somehow, something has changed. Maybe, everything is working its way for the better. I will never regret changing. But still, I will miss the way it used to be. I can never measure how much I've grown but through these, I know now how much I learned.

Now, I have more plans for everything:

*study even harder
*read more books
*bond more with friends
*bond even more with my family
*what else?

I actually want more things this Christmas. Not literally things. And I want to pull them closer.

Crossroads

After almost a week, after the verdict had taken its effect, I'm finally used to live an ordinary student life. Less thoughts, less works. I have been thinking that maybe God gave me this opportunity to regain myself back. To reflect on things I have been doing for almost two years and a half.

Initially, I joined Teatro Komunikado half-heartedly. I thought of myself as a person who has no talent. I thought I could entertain other people but not on stage. But after that audition, I became a part of the group's fifth batch. I guess I fell in love with group. I love doing those things. Since then, I became an artist.

We started as 'apprentices'. We had a semester to prove that we were worth to be a member of the group. Months later, I became a member. By the end of the year, I became a Board Member. It was really a tough way to be in that position. Because I realized that being a member of the group isn't really easy.

Sacrifices. I made much of that for the group. But I don't mind that since this is what I love doing. I'm proud to say I could cope with the classes though I had to be absent at times. I learned a lot, I experienced doing many things. I owe them all from TK.

Last March, I became the Secretary General of Teatro Komunikado. Quite a big responsibility. I didn't know where to start my two-year term. Even the whole Executive Board had a really hard time figuring out the same thing. Teatro Kom is a big organization. It has a lot of activities, commitments, and we had to maintain the image that the previous officers left. Meaning, extra efforts and extra time. We didn't mind that. We enjoyed every moment.

An now, I made my mistake. It was my turn to do bad for the group. One single mistake and I lost it all. I built my dream sand castle but I accidentally broke it. I'm really sorry - for the group and for myself. I lost track of fulfilling my very own responsibilities so I have to take some rest for the next two months. I understand why I have to be given with such sanction/s. But I hope I would understand the consequences of that sanction months after.

I don't know what the next two months will give me. I still have no definite plan whether to go back or just support them from afar. I love the group, undoubtedly. I think I have nothing to prove about that. But maybe it's time to love myself and just be where I am right now. The incident really taught me a lot and made me realize many things.

As to my final decision, I can't really tell by now... But I'll always be around.

Fresh Burst!

I guess it really has to be this way. Life is working its best to teach me with all I need. It's all starting. My mind is full of different thoughts. They're battling. Good or bad? Right or wrong? Now or never? Whew! I want to stay away from those things. I'm trying to divert my attentions with all the possible things I could use.

Number One

I never thought it's my fault. Of course, it's not your fault, too. I never wanted it this way. At first, it was nothing to me. I already passed through that before but nothing really mattered to me. If you choose to stay away, it's your choice. If that's the only way I could help you to ease everything up. Just don't make me feel I'm responsible for you. As what I've said, nobody wanted this.

Number Two

I'm sorry if I caused a lot of trouble to the group. I was barely aware that my simple friendship with her would still be an issue after a long time. Is it my fault that I felt so comfortable to her? She taught me everything about the group. Initially, I learned to love the group because of her. And I know I made all the responsibilities I have despite of everything so I guess you shall not blame anyone for what happened.

Number Three

At last! Now, I understand. I have to because it is the truth. I don't know what to feel. I won't say or do anything because you already did it for me. Thanks. But, still, I won't stop here. I just understand but it doesn't mean it's easy.

Maybe I'll just stay here in this way. I'll just hold these things with me and look at them, thinking someday I will let those things fly away exactly the way I want them right now. I have dreams. I'm thinking positive. It's not yet the right time. I feel it. I don't know how to say it but I really feel it. I want those dreams to come true and I don't know how will I feel when that time comes. I'm not really good in words so I can't put all of them here.

But, I understand. Those dreams may come but in a different 'version'. It's like a story with different characters. I'll just continue making stories in my mind and feel every details of it. That would be the case from now on. Still, it's really hard for me. Lots of thanks. I'll just feel it until it's gone.

"You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

I'm not absolutely satisfied with what I put in here. I don't know how to put down in words everything I feel. But please, I'm not accepting any questions about this. Thank you.

A Friendster Survey

Q: A special friend whose name starts with 'S'
A: sonny... hehe

Q: 6th person on your featured friends?
A: my sister anne

Q: What did your last message say?
A: can't remember

Q: How many times has your profilebeen viewed?
A: 70 since oct. 1

Q: What's your shout out?
A: "...never knew where this would lead."

Q: Current mood
A: normal. =)

Q: What did you do last night?
A: watched DVD, text

Q: What's the word you say a lot?
A: i dunno

Q: What is the last thing you drank?
A: water

Q: What was the first thing you said to someone this mOrning and who was it?
A: kasi naman eh! (i caught my sister using my phone. haha)

Q: Do you watch TV?
A: of course

Q: What should you be doing right now?
A: pending class requirements

Q: Do you believe in love at firstsight?
A: no

Q: Are you a heavy sleeper?
A: yeah! but i can't do that much.

Q: Last time you used a skateboard?
A: when i was a kid

Q: Best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
A: eagle eye

Q: Whats your favorite form of travel?
A: any form

Q: Next place you'll go?
A: school

Q: Next movie you want to see:
A: the strangers

Q: car you want to have?:
A: a blue picanto, jazz, or any of the likes

Q: Next time you're going out?:
A: no plans

Q: Next thing you're going to savemoney for:
A: i dunno

Q: Next time that you will drink alcohol:
A: anytime soon. hehe

Q: Next place you'll take vacation:
A: i don't think i can have that again.

To: Tsubibo Uno

Tsubibo Uno.
BBrC 3-1D.

It was June 2006 when I first met them. I can still remember that day as if it's just yesterday. We were all young. We didn't know what to anticipate in entering a whole new world while putting our education on its final stage.People say that our section is the cream of the crop. We have to be. We have to do our best and prove everybody our worth while being pressured by the expectations of the college. But, I guess the pressure is too strong that it divided the whole group into pieces...

It's all about social science. Being in the society is definitely crucial since it involves individuals sharing different personalities. After three years, we finished exploring each identities. Several groups were built, dismantled, then another formed.

As a member and the Public Relations Officer of the class (that I think I never was), it really alarmed me when I realized that everything has worsened. I don't know what I could possibly do. Of course, it's not too late but I don't think everybody is willing to humble themselves. That is the main problem here. We got the conflict but the resolution turns out to be another conflict.

In my opinion, everybody has their fair share of blame for this problem. Just think logically. If we won't allow things to happen, then, it wouldn't be this bad. It's how we treat each other, how we say things and how we act in front and at the back of them.

We have to unite. If we will leave it this way, then, it will be the start of the downfall of everyone in the group. We have been through to a lot of experiences. Why can't we just open ourselves and let them enter ours? Why can't we adjust? Would that hurt or humiliate you? I don't care about how you think of yourself. We have to consider the whole group and not how to be the ultimate star of the group. That's really terrible. We're not in a reality show nor in a contest. Don't let your attitude problem add to the problem of everyone. Did you ever think that you yourself is the problem? Start with yourself.

I have a lot of questions. It's up to you if you would contemplate and initiate to change things. I'm just hoping. I'm not mad or anything but I just want everybody to think.

Delayed Expectations

It's been a month since I opened this account to release some thoughts. I always try doing this to make my mind a bit clearer. There are lots of things going on inside that small room. I want to shout but I don't want anyone to hear me. I'm thinking of bursting everything out but leaving no mess. That would be impossible. As they say, at least a pair of eyes is on me.

It's 2:00 a.m. I don't know what keeps me up at this time. Maybe, it has been a routine for me to sleep so late or none at all. I was so busy these days. I've been doing 'extraordinary' things. But now, I realized I want to stay doing 'ordinary' things - doing those routines like getting up in the morning, going to school, doing some assignments or other related stuffs, going home, then having some rest. I miss doing that. Just that.

Priority setting. Priorities - they're all piled up. Everything wants to be the priority. Everything has to be prioritized. I have no choice but to do them one by one, considering their 'importance and urgency'. After all of these, I'll just look on the brighter side of it. I can say I've experienced these things as early as now. The director of a play I once made said to me, "If you want to do good in acting, you have to gather much experiences as early as possible." Well, I'm not really after that acting thing but experience would really help on any aspect.

Maybe it's over now. It is. But not really. It's so vague. And it had been this way ever since. It started like a blurred piece of painting, and left undone. Or a movie with all the suspense sequences then ended up like someone just turned off the DVD player. Then, you'd realize the movie was really just that short. I guess it will be like this forever. No more space nor ellipses though it's really incomplete. No substance nor any essence at all.

Maybe everything will just fall back to their original position. Wishful thinking. I just wish these things to subside. Please, leave me for a while. I don't need them. I already realized things. Or maybe, it has to be this way forever.